i, xthru_glass_2_anax, am of sound mind and make the following promise.
 i will give up binge eating and purging.
in place of these actions, i will make an attempt to exercize and read and call friends and try to live normally.
if i cannot find consolation in these things, i will return to my computer and write in this blog.
i will write for my sanity.
i will write for some evidence of my existance.
i will write out what's bothering me.
and i will beat this.
even if it means going to the other extreme.
infact, i need a plan.

i'm on vacation until april 16.
every night i will work out for 2hours or more.
today i will take a lot of laxatives to keep my stomach feeling sick tomorrow and for the rest of the week to avoid binge eating and purging.
each morning i'll drink one cup of green tea.
when i wake up, i will walk the dog.
when i get back, i'll go back to bed.
when i wake up, i'll get my tea and eat my apple (which i'll eat in 30 mins)
then i'll work on AP cours work.
then i'll call ben.
i'll eat a can of corn.
then i'll work again.
then i'll call ben again.
then i'll work out for 2 hours.
i hope this works .. i'm so sick of bulimia

it's interesting how free i feel behind a keyboard, monitor and a pair of cK spectacles. (even though i'm confined to my room and hiding from the god awful kitchen) it's amazing because just a few moments ago, i was sat in a therapists office with my two parents with my and my younger sister waiting in the waiting room.
the discussion has left me rattled.
my father sat next to my mother facing the counsellor and i. i've chosen this seat to make a stand: i am not a force to be reckoned with. i'm facing you head on and i will continue to do so until i admit defeat. god blessed me with stuborness so don't expect much.
in order to gain a relatively advantageous ground to stand on, i decide to start the ball rolling. i explain how through most of my life my parents have been "barrtarring" *cough* black mail! *cough* with me to get me to do things and how a lot of times they say they'll do things but fail to do them.
the counsellor listens as i sound off about how sick i am of this bullshit. and nods. empathetically. like i'm 4.
when my parents talk about how they're just setting "guidelines" and how following their rules is an issue for me she asks "don't you think your parents are just trying to be parents?" and "don't you think you just want more control and that you see your parents as controlling?"

omiword ... you've GOT to be joking!! i thought the first couple times i was being paranoid in thinking she was siding with my parents ..
and now my phone has just said i dont have credit .. however it hadn't told me i had only one minute of credit left (like it normally does) so i'm pissed off!
this is an introduction to me .. my blogs and what to expect .. run now and don't look back

it's interesting how free i feel behind a keyboard, monitor and a pair of cK spectacles. (even though i'm confined to my room and hiding from the god awful kitchen) it's amazing because just a few moments ago, i was sat in a therapists office with my two parents with my and my younger sister waiting in the waiting room.
the discussion has left me rattled.
my father sat next to my mother facing the counsellor and i. i've chosen this seat to make a stand: i am not a force to be reckoned with. i'm facing you head on and i will continue to do so until i admit defeat. god blessed me with stuborness so don't expect much.
in order to gain a relatively advantageous ground to stand on, i decide to start the ball rolling. i explain how through most of my life my parents have been "barrtarring" *cough* black mail! *cough* with me to get me to do things and how a lot of times they say they'll do things but fail to do them.
the counsellor listens as i sound off about how sick i am of this bullshit. and nods. empathetically. like i'm 4.
when my parents talk about how they're just setting "guidelines" and how following their rules is an issue for me she asks "don't you think your parents are just trying to be parents?" and "don't you think you just want more control and that you see your parents as controlling?"

omiword ... you've GOT to be joking!! i thought the first couple times i was being paranoid in thinking she was siding with my parents ..
and now my phone has just said i dont have credit .. however it hadn't told me i had only one minute of credit left (like it normally does) so i'm pissed off!
this is an introduction to me .. my blogs and what to expect .. run now and don't look back

it's interesting how free i feel behind a keyboard, monitor and a pair of cK spectacles. (even though i'm confined to my room and hiding from the god awful kitchen) it's amazing because just a few moments ago, i was sat in a therapists office with my two parents with my and my younger sister waiting in the waiting room.
the discussion has left me rattled.
my father sat next to my mother facing the counsellor and i. i've chosen this seat to make a stand: i am not a force to be reckoned with. i'm facing you head on and i will continue to do so until i admit defeat. god blessed me with stuborness so don't expect much.
in order to gain a relatively advantageous ground to stand on, i decide to start the ball rolling. i explain how through most of my life my parents have been "barrtarring" *cough* black mail! *cough* with me to get me to do things and how a lot of times they say they'll do things but fail to do them.
the counsellor listens as i sound off about how sick i am of this bullshit. and nods. empathetically. like i'm 4.
when my parents talk about how they're just setting "guidelines" and how following their rules is an issue for me she asks "don't you think your parents are just trying to be parents?" and "don't you think you just want more control and that you see your parents as controlling?"

omiword ... you've GOT to be joking!! i thought the first couple times i was being paranoid in thinking she was siding with my parents ..
and now my phone has just said i dont have credit .. however it hadn't told me i had only one minute of credit left (like it normally does) so i'm pissed off!
this is an introduction to me .. my blogs and what to expect .. run now and don't look back